Do you like the story that i made?

I don't know what your aspirations are for your story, but if publication is your goal, you must correct your grammatic errors and format your story properly before you can contemplate any future for it. Immediately at the beginning where you write "Your hot ...", you should have written you're (it seems that most young "writers" have somehow failed to learn the basic difference between your -- which is an adjective -- and you're -- which is a contraction of a pronoun and a verb -- you are. When you write dialogue, you must make a new paragraph whenever the speaker changes. The pronoun I is always capitalized. Where you've written "were", you should have written we're -- identically to you're, a contration meaning we are. Never separate the subject and the verb or predicate with a comma. If you are really serious about being a writer, you need to study English (both grammar and style) to learn how to write properly. If you are writing only for your own amusement, then "anything goes"! Obviously, you are very young; you need a real education before you can hope to write proficiently; if writing is truly your pion, then you will expend the effort to learn your potential craft. Whatever your choice, I wish you luck!