Be happy on drugs, or depressed, but clean? Advise needed.?

I had depression and anxiety for about 5 years. Tried everything, from non-drug treatment to all of the drug treatment available. Only things that helped were amphetamines (there's no prescription amphs in Latvia, so street amphs), and despite my almost daily use of this drug i had no problems with University, and my job, where i actually got a promotion during the time i've been using. But the negative outweighed the positive, so i decided to quit. I then found Tramadol + marijuana to be even better than the speed, and i also could function normally under these drugs on a daily basis. This Tram/weed thing has been going for 3 weeks now (and by the way, i've tried effexor, which chemically is very similar to tramadol, lacking only opioid agonism, and it failed to produce the same antidepressive effect). Recently i've got tired of this drug using routine and decided to stop. I did not have any withdrawal symptoms, but i went back to my sober state in which i am unmotivated, unsocial and very sensitive to cold (i wear warm clothes, and still cold makes me miserable, when everybody else tolerates it well). The point is: if i don't use drugs it will be good for my body and mind, but the living will be hard emotionally and physically, on the other hand if i use tram/weed daily i will be happy at work, more outgoing, more helpful for my family, paying for it with my health. I know that i wont become a junkie, i love my life too much, and as soon as i graduate, i'll try to move to a warmer country, where i wont need so much drugs to function normally, but for now - depressed but sober, or drugged but normal. What would you choose?